Violent Gentlemen
This post is targeted largely to men. Well, only to men. Sorry ladies.
The modern man is definitely under attack. Much of western society doesn’t even understand what a modern man should be. A wussified version of men of the past? A macho who tears through life like a bull in a china shop? Should he have opinions, or even strong opinions? Should he have emotions? Well, we all have emotions, but should a man show his emotions? What if he goes too far and ends up being just like “one of the girls”. I’ve seen that a lot in todays culture.
When I think of what men should be, I like the tagline, “violent gentlemen”. That’s actually the name of an apparel company that makes clothing based around hockey. They took inspiration for their company name from an old photograph (the names of the players escape me at the moment) where a goalie and a forward, after getting in a heated physical battle during gameplay, shook hands after the gave was finished. In the heat of the game, it’s all in and there is no holding back. But when the game is over, we can get along and have respect for one another.
The iconic “Violent Gentlemen” photograph.
I do feel like the modern man is either wussified or labeled as “toxic masculinity”.
I remember on a few trips I took to Alaska for various work projects, just how “manly” the men there seemed. They spent time in incredibly harsh environments. To survive them, they HAD to be tough. But when they were back in town, in restaurants and coffee shops, they were quite pleasant and polite. Held the door open for people. Said please and thank you, and generally, were courtious to the society around them.
In my mind, that blend of being tough, gritty, and able to survive - even thrive in harsh conditions; paired with the pleasantries and courtesies of a polite society is what it is to be a man. A protector, defender, provider, and a gentle carer and listener when the moment calls for it. No man should have a single face, but rather several faces he wears at different times and in different situations.
With that being said, no man should go at it alone. I believe that men need a group of men to “do life with”. I have been fortunate enough to have found several groups of these men in my life. I have a good friend that I do a podcast with for the only reason of getting together once a week and talking with each other. We talk about life, both on and off the show, and give each other advice, share insights, or just share what cool stuff we’re working on or neat stuff we’re buying. It’s a solid friendship, even though I’ve yet to meet the man in person. We hope to rectify that soon with a meetup in Great Falls Montana.
The A&W where our “boys breakfast club” meets every week.
I have another group of men from my church that I meet once a week with for breakfast. This is a more spiritually driven gathering. We share what we’re going through, and how we can pray for each other and our families. We get real with each other, openly and honestly. It is so great to just share some of this stuff with other men who genuinely care about you. Plus, it’s breakfast!
And lastly, I have my brothers in my Masonic lodge. Same thing here. We start every meeting off with a meal and socializing. It’s a great time to catch up with each other, see how family and work life is going and generally just encourage each other. After the meal, we have our lodge meeting. This is where the building up of character comes in. Obviously I’m not at liberty to discuss the specifics of what happens in a masonic lodge meeting, but I will tell you this; the main emphasis is the teaching of morality and virtue. These lessons are taught via stories and symbolism that have been passed down for centuries. They go deep. Freemasonry isn’t a religious fraternity, but it is a virtuous one. I’ve said it before and I hold fast to this: if every man became a mason, and applied the lessons taught therein, this world would be a completely different place. Not spiritually, but in the harmony of our day to day lives.
Inside the Lodge. Great lesson are taught, and learned in here.
In short, if you’re a man reading this, you need to have a group of men that you meet regularly with. A group that you can honestly and openly share your life with. Your wins, yours losses, your fears, and the things that are getting you stoked. If you already have a group like this, excellent. If you don’t, seek it out. Don’t do it alone.
Cheers,
Jeremy
